Her unconditional presence through my relapses and nonjudgemental interest around each one is a huge part of how I managed to finally put that pattern down. When I beat myself up after a relapse, she didn’t. My therapist held that space and accepted me until I could learn to accept myself. They are just there to walk with you along the way. Your therapist isn’t invested in pushing the journey to a certain place for their own benefit. Your therapist knows how, and it is their job to provide this for you. We live in a culture that doesn’t teach anything unconditionally, most of all love and presence.
You are never too much, never unacceptable. They are fully with you as you explore the pains and confusions of life. Therapists are masters at the art of holding space. This doesn’t mean you should abuse them, just that you don’t have to worry if they are sick of hearing about your dumb boyfriend again. Your therapist is one of the only people in the world with whom you don’t have this burden. The only thing that addicts are better at finding than their drug is codependents. That isn’t their job, no matter if they think it is. If you aren’t worried about your friend’s thoughts and feelings at all and constantly dump your problems on them, quit being an asshole. *You don’t have to caretake or worry about anyone else’s thoughts or feelings* This is one of the most exciting things with a trusted therapist, thinking to yourself, what would I like to discuss today? The toxic friendship I want to find the courage to give up, that awful conversation with my dad, do I want to recount everything that happened this week? It is all up to you! You can plan it in advance, and you don’t have to stick to the plan even, you can talk about whatever comes up! Where else do you have this kind of freedom, where you don’t have to dance around sensitive issues, where there is no fear of being judged that isn’t your own projection, where you are safe, completely safe, to talk about the most trivial and most traumatizing of issues? You don’t! What joy! The time is truly yours. *You get to talk about anything you want* You will learn, as the poet Rumi said, “to meet them at the door laughing and invite them in”. You learn that they are just that triggered by the event to a deeper, older wound. Your emotions may not seem to match the severity of the event that triggered them, and that is okay. Allowing yourself to feel your feelings is an underrated gift. Therapy helps you accept your emotions as valid, something our culture certainly doesn’t want you to know.
Repeat until you experience the seven things I’ve laid out below. If you don’t like your therapist, leave and find another one. I would recommend finding one that knows a bit about addiction. It can be helpful to look for a therapist that specializes in whatever you believe your specific issues are, but not necessary. And maybe you’re surviving – but you could be thriving.
#Open path collective crack
That experiment ended with me smoking crack for the first time, shooting up heroin while smoking crack (neither my thing, but that summer!), and my first DUI. None, however, as negative as the summer I tried to therapize myself on my own with just books. I’ve had a couple of negative experiences. It hasn’t been all Aha! moments and cleansing cries on couches though.
It was a therapist who said, “I can’t see you and your husband at the same time, the relationship is too damaged and he just shuts down and threatens to end it.” And the same therapist who asked, “Are you drinking every single night?” “Have you tried AA?” And when I couldn’t get myself to stop or go to AA, found a rehab, called my parents, and helped make all the arrangements from her office. He told me that I didn’t talk too much like I was told I just had a lot to say. Without that guy and the fact that there was no social media then, I don’t know that I would have made it out of high school.
#Open path collective how to
It was a therapist who first told me I wasn’t in therapy because I was bad, I was in therapy to learn how to deal with my mother. I found my current gem of a therapist through Open Path Collective, a website where you can find excellent therapists that offer appointments between $30 and $60 a session for individuals. Many therapists keep sliding scale spots open in their practice, for those who need help but don’t have health care or a large income. Can you afford therapy? More easily than you know.
Could you benefit from therapy? Definitely. Don’t be like me, either, an asshole exploiting her parents for profit. And don’t be like my Dad either, who tells me I’m overreacting every time I have an emotion. Don’t be like my mother, requiring the world to change around you. My mother believes everyone needs therapy.
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